I'm too ashamed to be around anyone from that group now. I don't know who all knows about it, but I know it's been talked about behind my back. I just want to control myself enough that no one ever knows that I like them. This at least is the first time the person didn't immediately hate me (he doesn't hate me). It is the end of the world because no one has been affectionate towards me like that before (not family, not friends…and I've never really been in a relationship…in the closest thing I had to a relationship I didn't even feel like that. And so now I'm not going to feel that again. He gets to move on and already has plenty of experience and I have virtually none. Of course he has a problem with that and so will everyone else. It's like getting a job—you can't get a job without experience and you can't get experience without a job. So I should have just gotten a lot of meaningless experience in high school so I could be worth something to someone. But no, I'm not qualified. I'm not qualified for a relationship, I'm not qualified for a job…I'm not qualified for anything. I'm not even sure I'm qualified to be alive.