So I have a very difficult time talking with my family about my depression. Like many people my age, I live with them and I am dependent on them as I attempt to finish my college degree. They know I have depression, but sometimes I just don’t think they care or know the extent of it.

So let’s start with my mom.

For most of my life my mom has been my rock. I always saw her as someone I could immediately turn to for help, but that isn’t the case anymore. Now, whenever I want to talk she is always too busy or is trying to do something else while she is on the phone with me. I feel like more of a chore to her now. She also tends to point out my shortcomings and/or failures whenever she gets mad or frustrated. Her comments can sometimes (more often than not) be very negative and hurtful and make me feel like a waste of space. I used to be able to shut down and let it go in one ear and out the other, but lately that’s been getting harder and harder to do. It is also near impossible for me to stand up to my mom; she is a very dominating and imposing woman. She’s the breadwinner in the house and reminds everyone of the fact. Also there are times when she confuses me to no end. One minute she’ll be yelling at me (I don’t know if I should go into detail about her tirade) then the next minute we’ll be grocery shopping and she’ll want to by me anything I want. It’s like whiplash.

My Dad.

I honestly don’t know how much my dad knows about my depression or my life for that matter. We used to be close and spend time at the barn together, caring for my horse. However because of his work schedule and own health problems, we don’t have the same kind of relationship. He also used to defend me when I was younger against my mom’s tirades. Now, I think he just nods his head and agrees with her to shut her up. I don’t know how to talk to my dad anymore.

My Grandma.

I wish everyday that my Grandma was my mother. She gets me and knows what I’m going through. However she’s also in Florida, so I can also talk to her by phone when all I want is a hug and a shoulder to cry on. She also tries to help me handle my mother, but we all have little success with that.

I’m very much at a lost when it comes to communicating with my parents, and I never know who to turn to when my grandma’s help can only go so far. I’m going to be seeing my university’s psychologist this week, but I find I can never open up about my family problem in person. I don’t even know if I did it justice here.

Thanks for reading/listening.