I have some very mixed feelings about today's session. T listened. She listened empathetically; she responded in some very comforting and validating ways. But that's as far as we got. We didn't get to the unpacking emotions part, or the letting me sit in my anger part, or the figuring out how to solve this time sensitive situation part. She wants me to spend the next week on self care and not try to come to a solution because she thinks that's my anxious mind telling me that it's urgent and it really isn't. But she's wrong. I've mostly shut down the anxious mind and I've spent the past two days on self care. This situation is actually pretty urgent; the longer I let it sit, the harder it will be to resolve.

So I asked, gently, calmly, in a way that was respectful of her boundaries, if there might be some time to discuss this before our next session eight days from now because it felt really important to me. But she said no, because she has boundaries for her private practice of once a week and we'd been too loose with those boundaries before. So apparently I used up my emergency extra session on a lesser emergency a few weeks ago and she's not okay with doing that again, even though I know she has my usual 8:30 time slot free tomorrow.

She has boundaries. I'm respecting them. I didn't call her when this happened; she was pleased with that. She knows this is a big deal and it was really horrible and scary for me, but she wants me to sit in those feelings and figure out how to resolve them myself.

I think I probably CAN; I just don't want to. Because I will be a lot more productive if I get to talk this out with her tomorrow, resolve it, and get back to living my life. Resolving it on my own might take a few days, and those few days are supposed to be days I spend doing schoolwork, not days I spend obsessing about this.

But talking to her is not an option. So boundaries, and I'm respecting them. She was very kind to me today and responded very well to everything. So...this.

I was calm today. If I'd been less calm, if I'd been crying like I was on Sunday, she would have said yes. So now I'm feeling like maybe I should have acted in a different way to elicit a different response. I didn't do that; good for me. And I guess you can't always get what you want...