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Old Feb 19, 2014, 12:08 AM
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Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Jun 2013
Location: In my head
Posts: 1,787
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yearning0723 View Post
She's also trying to work with me on this thing where I don't get angry at her when she doesn't give in to what I want...so I'm trying. I handled it well. I didn't keep asking; I asked once, told her it felt important to me, and accepted no for an answer.
That seems unfair to me. Not only is she not there as much as you need her to be, not only do you need to respect her very arbitrary boundaries about extra sessions but you're also not allowed to have your feelings about it? And I'm sorry (this part is totally my stuff) but I hate when I get told that someone is proud of me basically because I made their life easier with my compliance.

I'll tell you why I think this is a significant therapeutic mistake on her part. You have a lot difficulty (from what you've posted here) allowing yourself to be angry at people who have hurt you. You rush to compassion, understanding and forgiveness (eg with respect to your mother) and feel that you aren't entitled to rage and hurt and disappointment. Your role has been to take care of your mother's feelings even as she's hurting yours.

And here instead of welcoming your anger, disappointment or sadness about the mismatch between your needs and her boundaries, T is telling you to be the grown up and spare her your difficult feelings. Your difficult feeling are her job. If she cannot give you more time and doesn't want you to call her, that's her right I guess. But to ask you not feel the way you do (or not to express it) is, in my opinion, crappy and unfair.
Thanks for this!
Aloneandafraid, Asiablue