Yes. More than I can say. It was my T's surgery that forced his retirement. He had to have the surgery unexpectedly, and then was recovering for 6 weeks. While he was hospitalized, I was extremely anxious: afraid for both of us. I'm not sure I could separate what part was concern for myself and what part was concern for him. They were both intense. I was overwhelmed by feelings of regret for things I hadn't said, as well as thoughts of a future without him.

When he returned, he insisted that we talk through my "selfish" fears, which I was very reluctant to do. It took a while, but I came to realize that my fears and his fears were much the same, and neither of us was selfish. As CE mentioned, it was some of the most valuable work we did together. It brought our relationship to a different level, far more equalized, and it really helped in the final resolution of the transference (parental).

But it has left a permanent vulnerability in our relationship. It's not a particularly bad thing, just a realization of impermanence--a need to place security somewhere other than permanence. He is aging, and has experienced a lot of difficulties in the last 2 years; that vulnerability is again on both of our minds just now.