OH the pain is getting unbearable..even the depression that I could hide behind seems a safer place to be...a place where I get to feel pain but not this all emcompassing pain...this pain without an ending...Its attaching itself to everything...I just cant get enought of what it is I seem to want...I want to be merged...I want to be safe and loved wiht a love that isn't available on this earth...only in my mind is it real...I thought of t last night and how can I keep going on knowing she sits there and I sit here...does she know the pain?....i know this can't be just about HER! it must be about someone else??????...I so just want to go too sleep and not wake up to this nightmare life...I want to be unconsious...it hurts to much...and even when I say to T it hurts to much..she just sits and looks at me...I can't do this pain alone!!...I dont want to do this anymore..I can't see no way out..just more and more pain..