Hey. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time of it :-(

Do you have some self-soothing things that you can do?

- Light some candles and take a long bubble bath

Things like that?

The pain is hard. I have the pain too. I have a longing for merger sometimes too. But sometimes I have an intense fear of merger and intense fears of dependency. Very confusing.

But the pain is hard. Do you feel connected to your therapist sometimes in sessions? I know it can be hard sometimes to sit there in therapy and wish that you felt closer, and to not feel close enough. But are there times that you feel happy in therapy? Emotionally held?

If so...

Can you call them to mind outside therapy in a way that is self-soothing? Imaging having conversations with your therapist and stuff like that?

I don't think it is about your therapist at base...

Do you have any transitional objects that help?

Could you ask your therapist for something? Or if you do mindfulness exercises... Take something along so it becomes associated with your therapist?

Hang in there

(((((Mouse)))))