If I had wasted less time in high school. Was a better kid. Did more sports and activities. Was more productive. Would I still end up here? Being entirely miserable and feeling like there really is no good reason for me to be depressed? A dumb pity party I throwing for myself? If I avoided all the triggers and got a better work ethic would I not have to take pills and reduce my school load? Would I not have broke down in an unrecyclable heap oversleeping just to avoid the world? Would I actually enjoy life? Would depression eventually bit me in the butt or is it just circumstance that put me into this hole? Is it a chemical imbalance in me? Or is it my mental processes that need rewiring? Or is it my situation?

Sorry. Even people who are lucky have it rough :/ I'm super lucky but my soul is still empty and I have no idea how to fill it back up. I've been stuffing it with food and ducktaping it in but now I just feel rotten inside. I guess, like a lot of people on the forum, I'm just really upset over the fact that I'm heading towards a downward spiral and they're just soooo hard to stop.

Guess it's time to adjust the meds again. =sighhhhh=