what are you actually running from?
I know your confused, hurt and all that. However, if they made you feel loved - that's all that matters. You are probs trying to find someone to accept you in good and bad. There are those who will. But you have to make the effort to open yourself to it. You might get shut down. But the important thing is that you feel. Cutting is not the answer. Death is not the answer. If you love, u risk hurt. Yet, running away from all of the emotions is only gonna get you nowhere. Party- for sure. But don't take the party too far- it will only create further haze ( trust me I know, first hand) the pain may be unbearable, but it won't end till u address it head on- and just from hearing from you. I have faith- u can get there.