"A passive aggressive might not always show that they are angry or resentful. They might appear in agreement, polite, friendly, down-to-earth, kind and well-meaning. However, underneath there may be manipulation going on - hence the term "Passive-Aggressive".

What is Passive Aggressive Behaviour?

Yearning, when i use that term i'm not judging you or your behaviour. It's just an umbrella term to describe what i think is going on. I'm not here to judge. We all find ways to get our needs met one way or another and when we find it difficult to admit to having them then sometimes we can be passive-aggressive. I am Queen of Passive Aggressive trust me!!

You said you are so careful with other people's boundaries because you don't want them to abandon you and you don't want that to happen ever again. I think that is important information. And something to consider. You displaying exemplary behaviour and being super considerate of people's boundaries is not in any way a guarantee that you'll never be left. People in life are going to leave you, and it's not always going to be anything you've done, in fact in most cases, it's there stuff and nothing to do with you.

So all this time and massive amounts of energy you are putting into being so restrained whilst denying your own needs is really not good for you. There is a middle ground some where. You're giving yourself a really hard time over stepping over boundaries but you were a kid, that's what kids do. Especially kids who haven't been nurtured or taught properly. You definitely sound like you're learning all the time and are aware of the basic premise of boundaries. I don't think you need to worry about overstepping them.

As for the email, i didn't suggest sending the angry email, i just meant for you to write it out for yourself, maybe you aren't angry, but it would be a chance just to let go of all that angst about saying how you really feel in a safe way. For me, i didn't know i was angry either until i really got into therapy, i knew i was sad and sometimes frustrated but never angry. And the further i get into therapy i realise Hell yes i'm angry! Cos my childhood was crap and it's just not fair! I still have trouble expressing anger and haven't really done it in therapy cos sometimes i know i'm feeling it but i just can't access it.. cos being angry was never allowed in my family.

The fact is your T isn't meeting a lot of your emotional needs right now, and sometimes in session she does and sometimes she really does not. She isn't a bad T by the sounds of it and clearly you both have some good alliance going there. But trauma work is really hard and there's times it's going to send you way off kilter and you will need her more than 50 mins a week. Do you feel safe doing the work knowing that you are on your own with it for an entire week after?
If you need support with LGBT issues there are charities and helplines specifically for that that maybe could be of help to you... and actually they could put you in touch with real life mentors and that would widen your support network. Maybe something you could think about?