I think you sound like you have symptoms/criteria for BPD but no one on here can diagnose you. Have you been evaluated by psychiatrist/therapist? If not I strongly suggest doing so.
http://www.psi.uba.ar/academica/carr...terial/dsm.pdf
This lists a lot of disorders/criteria for diagnosing them and so on. Sorry to hear you are struggling but since you are here now you have people who will support and try to help you.
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“I'm so good at beginnings, but in the end I always seem to destroy everything, including myself.”
“I told her once I wasn’t good at anything. She told me survival is a talent.”
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