Anger is a secondary emotion, which means it comes from other emotions and feelings. For example, some people get angry when they get sad. Others get angry when they feel wronged or cheated. Others get angry when they're scared. Anger always comes from another emotion, and if you can identify and constructively deal with those emotions, you don't really need anger. So I can see how you might not be angry, just hurt and frustrated and feeling abandoned.

But you do apologize a lot for other people's ridiculous attitudes and behaviors. It's not your fault your T is excessive in her boundaries and defensive when you bring it up. Stop apologizing for it