It took me ages (well over 18 months or more) to fully trust my Pdoc, because I was so scared he was going to turn out like almost all the rest I'd been to before and either underreact, overreact, be completely incompetent, abandon or abuse me. Even when I could feel the first stirrings of real trust beginning to develop there'd still be this voice inside my head after every session saying "He's still a Psychiatrist, remember you can't trust a Psychiatrist". Now that he does have my complete trust I have to deal with not worrying that he's going to abandon me, but worrying that something else will take him away from me (not as if he's 'mine' in the first place, I just realised how that sounded). Most recently with the Govt suits that don't even run the damn clinic getting in my Pdocs ear about keeping me on longer than they deem necessary, 'cause it's mucking up their discharge stats, definitely triggered off a 'oh holy cr@p no!' response from me. When I got told of the situation and Dr T said 'We may have a problem, they think you've been an open case for too long...' the look on my face must have been so terrified/concerned that I swear it was the first time I thought my Pdoc was going to lean across and actually pat me on the hand or something. And he never touches in therapy.

So yeah, I have abandonment issues, but I don't bring them up with Pdoc much, because I don't like to feel like I'm being too clingy with him. I've explained some stuff to him, and he's responded neutrally but positively at the same time. I don't consider it a major hurdle to therapy though, because I don't think it affects how open I am or how much I take in at any one session. Even so I still can't help thinking I have this amazing, wonderful Pdoc who I have forged this incredible therapeutic bond with, and it's all too good to be true, so when's it all going to end.