What i got from this is, you want assurance that everything is still okay even if you both say no. Im not surprised you ask that, given your mother (and my mother!). For them, it was out of sight, out of mind.

Re your minnie mouse - my t gave me a coffee mug when he went out of town, and all i could think about was, when will i have to give this back to him? Like a gift could never be truly mine.

Its okay - you are both together even if you both cant BE together, if you both say its okay. Probably even if you dont! This is probably just a hangover from your mother's problem with her mother, etc etc etc.