I was seeing a counselor when I could afford it and now I can't and I feel myself slipping.

A little backround first.
I gew up in a very abusive household. My mom wasn't the issue, my step dad was the one doing most of the screaming and hitting. When I got older she past away after committing suicide. This left me with two other very abusive siblings and for eight years I was beat physically and menatlly. I finally got the courage to x them from my life a little over a year ago.

I'm happier without them around however I feel lost. For so long everything about me was wrong, my personality, my looks, my feelings, everything about me they hated. (they acted like it anyways) Now here I am second guessing everything.

Growing up if I was sad or nervous I’m weak. If I’m mad I was a phsyco, if I was hurt I was being a drama queen who was too sensitive, if I couldn’t keep a friend if no one wanted to hang out with me I was the one who was wrong and who had the problem. I’ve been conditioned to think that everything about me is wrong or bad or un-wanted. It’s been more of a struggle now than when I had my abusers in my life. Before they told me who I was and now I’m out here all by myself trying to learn about me and trying to reverse everything I’ve been taught and it is a struggle. I don't know how to fix this. Can someone help me?

Is this normal? How do I fix this? it's bad and it feels like it's getting worse. I used to like who I am but I hate everything about me. I hate how i look, my personality, my talents, everything. I feel like a big black endless hole and there isn't a way out. why?

My two siblings were diagnosed with Narccasstic personality disorder, my mom was bipolar manic depressive. My counselor says thiere isn't anything wrong with me.........it's just me trying to reverse what I've been taught but how come I feel liek something is wrong?