I was abused by my father and it will be a year this month when he passed away...Talk about mixed emotions.....relief,guilt for not feeling sad, disgusted by the times I almost felt sad, and wishing that he would have been a good father so that I would have had a chance at a decent childhood and healthy adulthood...I feel like I have to keep his entire side of the family away, because I have nothing good to say....I'm thinking some are very upset about the fact that I didn't go to his funeral, oh and I felt guilty for that as well since only two family members know about the abuse....my own mother passed judgement on me not going to his funeral....her reasoning....he is still your father....I have trouble processing that because she was one of the two family members that know.....anyway, I'm sorry if my thoughts seem scattered....I'm usually a little better at writing but with this topic I chose to just let it flow......with all of that said, my point is I can relate.....hugs to you...hugs to us all