I don't know what to do about it. It's been 3 years since I've worked there. Before I went to college I interned there..then I went off to college..graduated and landed myself in retail because I needed some way of paying my loans every month. About a little over 1/2 a year ago I returned back to working at the office because it paid 13 an hour instead of my degrading 8.50 an hour slaving at Target. I also was very depressed at Target because that's where my girlfriend and I worked..it's where I met her..and she's my entire life..but she recently moved and working there without her felt more than lonely. So I left and now am here.

The thing is..after 3 years of working there, I never got a raise and it's miserable. The students that my boss keeps hiring are getting the same starting pay rate as me and it just feels kind of wrong. I don't think I'm the kind of person whose able to handle this job. I get really anxious. Our office is down in a dark basement and I feel kind of trapped. I don't know how else to explain it. Sometimes I feel like I'm just staring at the wall and that I'm not even in my own body, if that makes sense. Randomnly throughout the day, I'll start randomnly crying and it's embaressing because people can tell on the phone when I call them. Then I start biting and picking at my fingers..I think it's become a gross habbit of mine. The tips of my fingers are always raw. When I bite them though the pain feels really good espesially when the skin is right underneath my nail (I appologize if this is tmi). It's the day after where my fingers will hurt more than anything and then I regret biting them so badly because then I feel kind of self conscious about it. Maybe I'll write about this one in the OCD area..

Every single day at the office, I do the same thing. I answer phones. And I call people who don't want to be bothered. So naturally, I get angry, rude people telling me to fly off. The company basically sends a paper out to these people, some which do request it but the majority don't want it or have never heard of it. The company is run by 2 of the most degrading, rude people I have ever met. Oh and have I mentioned, my mother works there as well which makes it a thousand times as miserable because we hate each other.

I guess I just need advice from anyone else suffering in the office flow on how the hell to compose oneself? I just need to temporarily get by. I hope to quit in a few months because I desperately want to move in with my girlfriend.. but I literally dread every day going there. I feel like all is drained from me. There's no enjoyment or passion. I know I'm there for the money..and I also work 2 other jobs on top of this because of my college loans..and it all seems like too much..but I think it's just the office that kills me. Any tips on how to make it less horrible? I'm a people person and I feel isolated there.