Yes I can relate. I can not imagine passing this on to a child. I would never ever forgive myself for putting a child through what I have been through. If my child ended up with a mental illness, its a surefire way to make me suicidal (and probably take them with me to spare them the horror).

Plus having a baby? Hormonal changes (which affect me tremendously) and no sleep after the birth - will bring on a mood episode for me. I dont think I could hack it. I am unable to work full time, and my partner is in a low wage job. We currently can not afford to feed ourselves. I can barely look after myself (even stable) let alone a child. It would not be fair to anyone.

I dont want to regret not having them but I'd rather that than having a mentally ill child. My partner is keen for at least one - but a long way down the road. I dont think he realises how much work he will have to do - I may be the one staying at home but I should not be raising a child, I dont think I should even be allowed unsupervised with my own baby.

I had a bipolar friend in hospital, she was apparently stable when she had her twins. 4 months after their birth she killed them both and attempted suicide. Her suicide attempt failed, but the babies are dead. She is now spending her time in a criminal locked ward and her husband wants nothing to do with her. And she had the blessing of her doctors to have children...