I am not sure if this is the place to put this thread, so forgive me if it isn't.

First I want to say that my half brother was known to me as my cousin until I was about 16. My mom had him when she was young and my aunt adopted him and raised him. So at the time this happened, I thought he was my cousin. The whole situation got worse in my mind when I found out he was my half brother and that at the time this happened, he KNEW he was my half brother.

When I was 11, I remember being at my grandparents house and most of my cousins were there. I have a huge family so that means there were a lot of people around. Anyways, I went inside to go to the bathroom and when I came out, my half brother was inside too. He said he wanted to show me something and to follow him in the bedroom. I had faith that people are good so I didn't think anything of it. He asked a few questions about something stupid (I dont remember what he asked), then he said "Have you had sex yet?" Of course, I hadn't. He said well, do you mind if I practice on you? I have a girlfriend and I dont want to seem stupid to her. I was confused and shocked. Needless to say, he kissed me and laid me on the bed. I got scared and became stiff. I just wanted to go back outside. He told me it was ok. That people do this all the time. He dry humped me for about 5 minutes then said he was good. I had no idea what that meant at the time. He told me I could go back outside but I couldnt tell anyone what had hapened. When I asked why, he got real mad and said because they would be jealous. This happened 3 more times that summer. Each time he got more aggressive and mean about not telling anyone. I was so scared of him. He was older than me and I was afraid he would hurt me.

To this day, I havent told anyone except my husband. I want to ask my brother why he did this to me. Why did he think I would be accepting of this behavior. I want to tell my mom but I am afraid she wont believe me. She was also abused by her brother as a kid so she may understand but I'm so afraid to tell her. I told my husband and all he said was that cousins do that sometimes and that it was ok. I dont feel that it was ok. I feel dirty. Ashamed. Mad.

I also wonder if this is what has caused me to be sexually promiscuous? Or is that from the bipolar? Or am I just a *****?

Someone help me please!!!!!!