Hey all,

Have posted a few times at this forum now, haven't really become acquainted with too many people so I'll re-hash my history a bit. I was diagnosed back around 2007 and had a few rocky years ridding myself of a bunch of bad habits and getting my medication about right. By about 2012 I reached a pretty good level of stability, largely rid myself of a lot of the social anxiety that had plagued me for years, and things aren't too bad.

That said, I am still very aware that I have a 'busy' mind. I seem to over-think just about everything, I seem to have reactions to negative events in my life that exceed what they need to be, and on the whole I experience more stress than I think is normal for an average person.

It almost feels like I have two lives, pre and post diagnosis. Before I was more or less oblivious, floating along, and then after the diagnosis I treaded down this long, weird path of psychosis, paranoia, and anxiety while desperately searching for the elusive 'normal'.. 'stable', back to the pre diagnosis state of comfortable oblivion to my mood.

And now, as far as I've come, I feel like I'm an empty skeleton of my former self. I'm smart enough to meet the challenges of my day to day life, to maintain relationships, and establish an appearance of 'normal', but inside I'm on auto-pilot survival mode reacting to the obstacles that come at me, and trying to keep my mind calm enough toward the 'big' things.

I suppose this thread has turned out to be about more than my 'busy' mind, in addition I'm also starting to feel pretty isolated and alone in my own crazy world, and I guess it's nice to hear from people who might 'get it' to some degree.