I'm not saying you should do this but I just wanted to share that your story is very similar to a man I went to group therapy with. He spent years ruining his relationships with his family due to a severe anger problem that was related to but not caused by bipolar. He went to a residential mental health facility (destination hope in florida) and came out a much stronger man. I'm not suggesting that's what you do but I wanted to tell you it is absolutely possible to turn your life around even if you're already in your fifties (he is 49). I can't say that it's possible to save your marriage as I don't know how your wife feels about that. But even if it's not, it is possible to let her go and move on with your life.

i would at least seek therapy if you don't want to go the meds route just yet.