I refuse to play "games" with people and I refuse to put up with a lot of bull that I see other women dealing with. I refuse to think that it is a woman's job to walk on eggshells with men. However, many girls will put up with more than me, so I guess that makes me less desirable.

I know I'm not the easiest to deal with. I am pretty type A, an emotionally intense/passionate person (not that I emotionally explode, I am just the "lots of feels/thoughts artsy type"), and thanks to my BPD, I need lots of reassurance.

However, I feel like few want to be with me. To make it worse, I am rarely attracted to others.

I have been seeing a guy who lives an hour away. I really like him. He visits me every week. However, he can be a bit inconsiderate with time and a bit high maintenance. I think that he is channeling some frustrations with me. Today, I expressed some annoyance over him being late taking me to work. He got really defensive and said that we just spent two days together (true, but irrelevant). He also made a comment about how it would be nice if I reimbursed him for gas. I've offered, but I thought that I was doing that when I pay for dinner and drinks (I don't see why I should have to do all 3) and that our driving to see each other needs to be equal, which is pretty unfair because my car is in the shop and I only work 2-4 hour shifts 6 days a week and he works an 8 hour 3rd shift on the only eve of my day off. Plus, he has family here. I sent a text apologizing for being a little salty, but he has neglected to respond. Idk how to read that.

I have all of this anxiety over everything and feel that I am ruining everything though I don't feel that I am doing anything wrong. Why is romance so much easier for everyone around me? He's my last shot and I don't go out with my friends anymore because I hate living where I do. There is a lot riding on this.

What am I doing wrong? What can I do?