just come back from T. Pain motivating me to be more open. Told her that I feel like I want to be held and rocked by her, but if she attempted to really do that, I would most proberbly bolt for the door.

She said but it seems this is how our relationship is right now, one of soothing and rocking, but with words. Yes thats true, I felt "fed" again once she pointed that out, that at least I know that need of wanting to be held is getting met.

I told her how my step mother was rather proud of the fact that she use to prop me and the bottle so she didnt have to hold me when feeding me. My step mother was always quite proud of that. Then I told T how I feel guilty that I take, take, take and though I know T is doing a job, it still bothers me.

T then said there was something sad and disturbing about the bottle story. She said a baby often interacts with the bottle when being fed, taps it and fingers it, its experimenting with the mother extention. It seems that I wouldn't have had the oppertunity to have done that, and my feeling bad about expecting anything from T is because I feel I should be feeding myself.

I guess thats it, I do struggle with "taking"..anyways I feel better this afternoon.