Quote:
Originally Posted by mswinter
Have you ever written an email to your T when you were upset with him/her, whining about how he/she doesn't care about hurting you, etc?
Have you then re-read the email an hour later and found it childish/pathetic?
I'm so embarrassed. I keep reading this email I sent to my T a couple of hours ago and I find it more pathetic each time... 
This is what I wrote:
"I know that you had hoped to never see me again, but why not even the smallest act of repair?
All I heard you say was, "I could have handled it more elegantly and decisively." All I needed you to say was, 'I'm sorry this has hurt you so much. I wish we could have found a way to handle this without hurting you.'
I'm so worthless to you that even the most basic principle of reparative experience shouldn't be wasted on me. Why is it of no importance to you if I get bruised and hurt? What makes it so easy to hurt me and not care."
We had our first session in months yesterday, and I left upset. But I really wish I could take the email back now. I never meant to sound so pathetic and needy. |
What you wrote is therapeutic gold! Do not regret it too much! This type of very honest, emotional, pained communication is uncomfortable, and no it's not perfectly reasonable and mature, but *this* is the stuff you need to work through in therapy. These are the wounds that need to be exposed to be healed. I believe what you did was a worthwhile thing, and hope your therapist honors your openness in a healing way.
I just don't think we can make the deepest kind of progress if we are always on guard, always polite, always restrained.