JadeAmethyst, since you're sharing your story, it would only be fair if others did as well.

I'm in a transitional period as well, although a much different transitional phase in my life it appears. I'm somewhere between an irresponsible kid and a responsible adult that knows who they are.

And since I'm apparently late to the party, so to speak, I feel that others try to help but then end up throwing me away at some point. Like recently, a friend who went through things similar to me when he was younger (he's like 5 years older than me) and really is the first person to show me love (platonic though it is) especially with physical affection. I never had that with my family or friends and I've never really dated, so that was the first time…but his love is just platonic (my feelings seem to be more romantic) and he also told me that I have a difficult journey ahead and he can't walk that path with me.

I take rejection hard anyway, but in this particular case, feeling loved and then having that taken away (at least to a certain extent, like physical affection) and being told that he can't walk the path with me and I'm in the wrong place in my life etc. hurts more than anything. I can't handle it…I've relapsed back into self-harm (I hadn't since November) and today has been the first day I haven't been high and/or drunk since Saturday. And that's because I've drank all the alcohol in the apartment and I haven't gotten anymore yet.

So as usual, I'm again on the verge of alcoholism and/or a drug addiction. And then there's the self-harm of course. I don't think people understand why this feels so bad to me. It's hard to explain—other people have experienced physical affection/love enough that losing it from one person ISN'T the end of the world. It's difficult to explain how I'm not overreacting because no one knows or understands how I feel. Hell, I don't quite know or understand how I feel.

And until I can get over all of this, I lose most of my social outlet because he and I are involved in a lot of the same things and so are other people who are mutual friends…. No one's missed me yet, but I guess I've only missed one thing so far. Are any of them going to miss me?

I don't have a job or a career at the moment to distract me as I'm trying to get back into grad school and get a job that way through a graduate teaching assistantship. Maybe I can make more friends when I get back in school, as long as I never fall in love again. It destroys everything.