Hi Starfly, not going to tell you how you shouldn't be hooking up with guys like that (although it does really worry me as well!!). Instead back to the beginning-which is making you want/need this?
What do you think is underlying your stress, unhappiness and blocking you from taking some steps to have your life closer to how you want it??
It's really easy to get sucked up into a cycle of trying to find/using the only way you know how just to get by. But maybe if you pull out where the negative feelings are coming from and as well tackle the depression that may help a bit?
You do know, deep down, that you don't deserve to be treated that way by guys, because I'm reading that you don't actually enjoy it. So time to put yourself first?
Do you think that you could maybe reach out to a counselor/therapist or someone who is/could be special in your life for some support in working though things and how you feel about yourself? Although we're here for you as well, of course!!
And you are NOT a "weirdo". I'd say that you are reacting to things that have gone on for you and your feelings in the only way you have right now BUT there are really going to be so many more "healthy" ways to actually work through things and move nearer towards where you really want to be, with some support.
If you want to talk more.............
Alison