Quote:
Originally Posted by growlycat
My main T has told me when he is furious with me, but it does help when they say: "I'm only angry because I care. Anger is not possible without emotional investment."
I believe that T's can be both warm and fuzzy AND confronting.
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I expect there's a context to this statement because you seem to have a good relationship with your T. But I don't think anger has any place in confrontation. I have to say this phrase gave me chills. Way too close to the sort of excuse I'd hear my parents say to justify their abusive displays of anger.
My T once said to me in response to my literally begging him to not be angry with me before telling him something (a rare and overwhelming expression of negative transference from me), "I could never be angry with you, FKM." And another time when I said I felt he was angry with me (I was wrong), he responded that I'd never seen him angry--and immediately apologized for his wording because he felt it might have sounded to me like a threat (and I did hear the echo of a threat for a split second before putting it aside as not coming from him.)
I can't think of a situation in which anger directed at a client by a T doesn't represent at least a momentary failure of the therapeutic alliance.