Quote:
Originally Posted by niceguy
Tell me my friends- would they hate me for turning away? Do they still love me? Did they in fact love me? Will they still fight and find a way to contact me. They know they could reach me by some means if they really wanted. I think I still want them to try- is that wrong? They were perfect in my eyes at one time- because they were self assured. Amazing. I'd give anything to see them as that again. I am rambling now. Help!!
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Ah, the questions. They seemingly appear out of nowhere in situations like this, and become relentless. When do they stop?
There are two ways the questions and uncertainties will stop. 1) If you stop them. If you actively shut them down. For me, that's all but impossible. 2) Time will mean they decrease in frequency and intensity. You'll begin to let go. Eventually. There is no set pattern or time frame for this, but it does happen. Whether the questions go for good, is another thing.
Try not to stress over the what ifs and the what might have beens. The decision you made was one you needed to make. If the questions continue to stress you out, try to answer them. "Would they hate me for turning away?" Possibly, but what choice did you have? The hurt door swings both ways, and it sounds like it was open in your direction for far too long. "Do they still love me? Did they in fact love me?" Would it change the situation if they did or didn't? What happened in the past cannot be changed. As for the present, believe what you need to believe in order to make it through the day.
Just know that your relationship with this individual was what what you needed at the time. And you don't need it any more, or you wouldn't have ended it. And if it wasn't what you needed, well, then you've done a great job in ridding yourself of something unnecessary. No matter what, there is an angle that you can look at this situation and spin it so that you realize this choice was right.
It hurts. It will continue to hurt. But eventually, it won't. And you'll realize that you made the right choice.
*hugs*
Oh, and regarding the shrink. What she did was unprofessional. That said, she is human. She is in a position where she is dealing with a lot of stressful information. She should have been focused on you, but she made a mistake. I suggest you speak to her about this if you haven't already. Be firm and clear about your expectations for the session - you are there to work on you, not her. If she has issues to contend with, she should not be bringing them to work with her and if she can't leave them behind, perhaps you need someone new.