((((((Simon))))))))
I haven't read your post in relationships yet but I wanted to respond to your post here- now, anyway.
Maybe you shouldn't fight it either way. You know? Just go with it. My massage teacher used this expression "Sit with it"-meaning to just take it in and observe it and how it feels. Almost like a meditation. That feeling is there for a reason. It's not wrong because you're not crying and it's not wrong because you're not happy. You're in a shade of grey. A metamorphases. ((((((((Simon)))))))) Let your feelings guide you don't try to guide it right now. It's okay to be in an emotional pergatory, it'll break when it's time.