Hi, you know it sounds like in lot of areas you've got your "mentality" and talents really working for you instead of having an unnecessary battle against them and losing. And you are enjoying playing which is great!!
It's maybe the "Now" factor and the "other people" factor that are holding you back a bit???
There's nothing really wrong with wanting perfection if you've got some realistic goals, but maybe recognise that they ARE achievable, you ARE going to achieve them......but just give yourself x time to get there. And make sure that's a generous timescale!! Just take off the pressure a bit.
I don't know, but would it be any easier if you had a back up "project" going on at the same time too, like learning another piece as well to give you some breaks from the intensity of concentrating on just the one piece, and if that one didn't come together that soon then maybe the second one would, still giving you a sense of achievement/perfectionism. Or would that be too much pressure???
But the "other people" one: Have you have you already been putting your own stuff or some of the blues music you enjoy online, just thinking it might be a good starting point to ease you into putting harder pieces online??
And I know it's probably really hard to believe as you're a musician and I'm guessing you've got a really good ear for perfect tone, pitch etc..but a lot of people out there really aren't going to notice the odd mistake. And if there are any "experts" out there, given the length of the tracks/pieces, then if 1%, 2% of them go wrong then their opinion is going to be so much more based on the 99%, 98% that went right. If not, then they just aren't enjoying the music "for itself", and it's a shame for them that they just haven't got the ability/feeling to do that.
I get what you mean about some of the comments on YouTube though, if you decide to do it. But a lot of the really unpleasant one's are only showing what little the poster knows, It actually says a lot more about them than the actual videos.
I'm guessing you think that some of the videos are intimidating because some are really polished?? But you know, if you look around you're going to see a lot of "amateurs"/people practicing though. And my guess is that you're going to be a lot better than those with your experience. So maybe not quite so intimidating....???
So maybe bring that enjoyment/passion out in you a bit more and "allow it to breathe".
I know that may be really hard for you sometimes, but we know you've got it in you!!
Best wishes
Alison