I gave in this morning after two days of deviation. I went to get some last night ,walked in the supermarket turned right around. But today----- Had to get some women's stuff, checked out with some bacardi lemonade whatever. Tasted like **** by the way, but imminent stomach warming. Never meant to drink all four but hey, yep, drunk the entire load. Been sober since new year now chocking on guilt. Guess it's an awaking as to how miserable I actually feel and how much I have been ignoring that. I have spent so much time not feeling i don't know how to get through this. Thought I had it down. Nobody knows how sad I am.