i have not found most "hot lines" to be that hot... sadly...

what it might help you to understand is that those thoughts might not be intentional... they might be a form of brain chemistry disorder where feelings of despair trigger the thoughts of escape, and you are having to listen to them over and over. at least that's how it was for me.

i found out what was going on when i tried to take Welbutrin and suddenly they stopped~! unfortunately i gained 20 lbs in a month, and stopped the med. i have sense found "remission", thru meditation and a sound therapy called Holosync (you can read about it at CenterPointe.com).

i hope you see your doc about this, and that s/he understands this condition, and offers you help~!

best wishes~
Gus



may the spirit of compassion watch over you ~