I'm not sure why you felt that going to a closed meeting was the wrong move. The only requirement for going to a closed meeting is having a desire to stop drinking; it sure sounds like that's what you're aiming for. If you didn't like the meeting you went to, there are certainly others. It sometimes takes a little hunting to find meetings that suit you. I know that going to AA makes it much easier for me to stay sober, but it sounds like you're doing an amazing job yourself. Congrats & keep up the good work.