Sorry you are struggling so.
What caught my attention:
With my kids I'm brutal. Whenever they compete at something, unless they win it's never good enough. When I try to help them all I do is point out their mistakes. At the same time I'm crazy proud of them.
I struggle with my kids, but please be aware they are kids. and probably seeking your approval like crazy. I know you want the best for them. Be gentle if you can. Personally speaking, non validation from parents makes for one unhappy bunny.