We don't meet down the road again. Once I get into a doctoral program and graduate, I'll have to leave the area to find a job. Who knows where I'll end up. And he wouldn't have ever been able to come with me.

He has a son.

I knew this and that's why I was never going to say anything. He was the one that brought up the fact that I like him and brought it up to my conscious level of thinking. I mean, even if we became best friends, I'd still have to leave in about 3 years. So how can it not hurt to feel love (of any sort, romantic, platonic, or otherwise) and know no matter what each of you feel, you know exactly when it's going to leave your life.

A long time ago, I made the decision to put school/future career over everything else. I never had friends, I never felt love, so it made sense. It still does honestly. That sort of stuff is all I'm good for. It's the only place where I'm a "teacher"—I don't know if I mentioned it in this thread, but the guy also wants to be with someone who is a "teacher" to him (a teacher in life, love, blah blah blah) and I could only ever be a teacher of music, composing, performance, theory, writing…all stuff that I don't even know where or if it's truly important out of academia. So, basically, I'm a fraud.

I think deep down, I've always been a fraud. I'm sure there are enough misplaced commas in this post to prove that.