I decided to have a child (somewhat impulsively) when I was 23. My husband and I were definitely not in the right place financially but otherwise we felt we were ready even though we were young. At the time, I believed I did not have bipolar, despite an earlier dx; I thought everything I went through was trauma related and I hadn't had any extreme episodes since 19 so ya know. If I had known...anyway pregnancy was fine for me. But I definitely suffered severe postpartum depression compounded by my son being incredibly colicky. I barely slept and it took a severe toll on me. I had my worst breakdown since I was a teen about four to five months after he was born, to the point where my husband should have called the cops on me but he was too afraid to be alone with our baby.

A lot of my problems were compounded by my husband being completely unsupportive in the beginning due to his own fears of fatherhood. If he had been there and been willing to help more it may not have been so bad. I was also finishing my last semester of college which was total hell. So all these factors made the beginning horrible but after I graduated and my husband finally faced his fears and became a great father, I was much better.

Episodes became worse last year and I had my first episode of full blown mania. If I had known it would come back I may not have had a child. I hope every day that I have not passed on this illness. Especially since hubby's father and sister both have bipolar. If he turns out like me I dot know what I'll do.

He's only three now so the jury is still out. Thankfully I will say he is a very happy child. I would not be surprised if he ends up with an ADHD dx in the future since so many high energy boys do, but I just hope it doesn't become bipolar.

Hubby wants another but I'm too afraid. I can't face screwing up 2 kids.

It is a big decision but having bipolar doesn't mean you can't have what everyone else has. I would just recommend you have a LOT of support if you ever do decide to have a child, especially right after when the lack of sleep is messing with you.