Dear pinkbutterfly,

You poor sweetie, you're overwhelmed in a major tsunami way. Who wouldn't be?

The first thing I'd suggest is double checking (with a lawyer preferably) whether or not you really do have to repay all that money. Just because someone said so doesn't necessarily make it true. Look for a pro bono lawyer first. Verify each of these awful things you've been told. If you're still married, some of it doesn't make sense.

If there's any sort of support group for former military spouses, find them. You need to find people who've been through this. Stop feeling like a victim--you did nothing to bring this down on yourself and your kids. Be polite, stay calm ( lots of deep breaths), but you are in a fight for your future.

Take no one's word for anything. Verify everything with an authority, and get everything in writing.

Make a priority list and see whether there's any "give" anywhere ... also start scouring the Internet for grants for women returning to school or doing grad work. There are lots of small ones out there, $500 here, $1000 there.

Find something that brings you an oasis of peace for 30-45 min a day. Meditation, dance, music ... Make this time yours, to lower your blood pressure and preserve your sanity.

If you can, maintain as friendly a relationship as possible with your soon-to-be-ex.

Roads