Echoes, I knew you worte this but just have read it!!!!

Wow, I am kinda speechless......you.are.so.brave.

I think this is a fabulous outlet for you and you are revealing and articulate, does this feel safer this way?

I agree that we need to ask them for feedback as well as I often write emails to my t and think about what she thinks about them. I do it at the worst times too.

Yes, like meltdowns or whatever.....or when it's late and the darkness settles in after all the days distractions....my "disturbed" thoughts and memories (ruminations) emerge. I often don't feel it in therapy or don't bring it up in therapy but always send these kind of crazy and dark emails. It's like a confessional.

Biiv.......((((Biiv)))).......yes send a letter PG or anything, send anything ok? I started with PG versions this way.....it was my start and I'm still sorta there. I "glossed" all the abuse over in them and left out details. It ate away at me that I couldn't find the words and was repulsed (and still am) with telling someone face to face (or even in email) what I did, or was made to do or whatever. I can't reveal those easily...I'm in the stage of having issues with that process. And I'm not really sure what kind of response I want or will be satisfied with etc, so maybe that plays in...

But, what I'm trying to say is, I have given some hint of abuse to my t, and PG versions and she accepts them, for now. She constantly reminds me that if we censure our stories, if we disclose bits and pieces and not all of what's been endured, then we only have ourselves to bat that around with and nothing will ever change in how we feel about them. And it's really lonely too, I know. But Biiv, please don't keep it ALL to yourself, I know trusting is hard and the shame unbearable but try a PG version for starters if you are finding it difficult. Even if it means only writing it down....