I am the same way. I cycle in and out of them. Somehow I managed to stay working my whole life in spite of it but a year ago I hit a wall of deep depression. I missed enough work that they fired me. I was severely depressed for six months straight. I collected unemployment for a year but that ran out. My depression has gotten worse over the last five years and now anxiety has been added to it. I can't work as a plumber any more. The disease cycles so much I don't see how I could hold a job. I applied for disability was denied and am appealing. That process takes forever. I am living with my parents. I had to come home to Michigan from CA because I just could not cope anymore. I have been being treated for depression for 20 years. Not an uplifting story but I can relate to yours and you are not alone.