I have suffered with depression for most of my life. My first suicide attempt was age 19 or 20. I am now over 60 and still struggle. The pattern just keeps repeating itself over and over. I spiral down, get help, climb that long road back up, have a few good months, maybe even a year or 2, then start spiriling down again.

In the past couple years, the depression seems to hit hard and fast, before I can manage any coping skills. It's pretty scary, as I go SO DOWN, so quickly.

I am dealing with some difficult issues right now, and not taking very good care of myself. I do have to get myself together at least a bit, as there will be an inspection of the apartments on Tuesday. I've done nothing for several weeks in the way of cleaning up.

I am having a biopsy in March of nodules found on my thyroid. They look suspicious for cancer. When they told me, all I felt was a welcome relief. Finally, I might be at peace...

Don't know why I'm sharing this, really. It's just that, after 40-some years, I have no more hope left of ever being a happy person. Depression, for me, has never been a temporary situation...Sucks