I feel so devastated and despondent, even suicidal over the events that have transpired lately.

I have to backtrack to explain properly.
15 years ago, I had the best psychiatrist I have ever known. (we're still friends)
He was a psychiatrist and my insurance allowed me to see him weekly and only pay 20% of his fee, through reimbursment
He was wonderful, he treated me for my depression and severe anxiety, eventually I had a psychotic break due to psychotic depression, he was able to treat me without hospitalizing me, through judicious use of anti-psychotics and therapy. Thankfully the psychosis was short lived and he stopped the anti-psychotics after a few months and I never relapsed.
Sometimes the insurance would be late reimbursing me and I couldn't afford to pay him for a week or two and he didn't mind at all, he knew I had insurance and that I'd pay him as fast as I could, which, I always did.
He never even discussed money with me.

I was devastated after over 10 years of seeing him, when he told me he was going to move to California (across the country, as I was in NYC).
But he referred me to his best friend another psychiatrist, he told me that she promised him she would look after me and provide the same level of care.

She did turn out to be an excellent psychiatrist and over the years I grew to have a great deal of affection towards her and her family. She became like family to me. I spent a great deal of money buying expensive presents for her young daughters during Christmas and their birthdays.
When she ran the NYC marathon, I backed her financial cause, and came out to cheer her on.
As I don't work on Wednesdays (the day I see her) she sometimes asks me if .i can come in earlier or later to accommodate other patients who can't make it for their usual times. I almost always say yes, even if it inconveniences me a little.
She even officiated my wedding!
She told me she cared about me more than any other patient!

I often have difficulty getting reimbursement from my insurance, but it always comes eventually.
The last time I saw her, she gave away part of my time slot without my permission . Apparently she notified me by text message and Email, but I didn't get them and never confirmed yes. She had no problem dismissing me 15 minutes early!
For what was the rest of the session, there was no actual therapy, instead she *****ed and complained about money I owed her, as my reimbursment check had not come in yet.
She said things like "I don't do this for free", "anybody else would have thrown you out by now" and "if you can afford to go to the Opera, why can't you pay me?". She has said these things many times before.
I told her my check would come and just to be patient (my check did I fact just come). I just can't afford her $350 fee without help from my insurance

The next week when I said I didn't have the money to pay her immediately, she told me not to bother to come in, and so I didn't see her for the next 3 weeks as my insurance was taking its time reimbursing me.
Previously she had accepted late payments without a single complaint, now she seems so much more money-oriented and greedy. Winter storms caused her to cancel some more visits and I haven't seen her in over a month

I was very upset when I realized that for over a month she never called or Emailed me once to ask how I was doing, not one "Are you allright"? All communication has been via text.
I was planning on seeing her this Wednesday to give her all the money I owed her, but when I called her office I found out she had left the country without even telling me

She'll be back next week.
What do you think I should tell her.

I can't go on like this, I can't see another therapist, starting over is so hard and I don't know whom to trust.

I feel abandoned by her.
I honestly want to end my life

What do you think I should do?