Unless you found out from this woman that she had an affair, you cannot consider it anything but a rumour. Please don't put her in that situation again. People don't always go headfirst into affairs, but are weak and find themselves falling into them. She may have been involved in an affair before, but it's unfair of you to tempt her into that again.

As for your suffering, I think you need to work on why you're suffering. You said you don't know if you love your wife anymore. Is it fair of you to 1) go willingly into an affair or 2) not give her a choice to be with someone who does love her? Does she love you? Verity is correct - your wife may be dealing with her own mental health concerns. Perhaps you could open up dialogue with her.

You are in a difficult position - trust me, I know. But sometimes we need to look past our own selfish needs and desires. I don't look poorly upon those who have affairs. There is often a complicated situation behind every story. But we all need to look on the other side of the room to see who we might be hurting.