Sounds like it might be time to call your doctor. Your depression seems quite deep. I think you need more help than you can give yourself. Reach out for help. If you have a therapist call and make an appointment. You need help pulling yourself out of this.
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Bipolar I, Depression, GAD Meds: Zoloft, Zyprexa, Ritalin
"Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most." -Buddha