Things sound pretty hard for you right now. I wasn't able to read the whole thing but I understand being suicidal. I've been suicidal since I was a kid. And I understand being bullied and having toxic friends. I know what it is to feel like no one care in the whole world. I also had the problem of trusting too soon. Even after all the betrayal and heartbreak I still struggle with that.

Do you have anyone at all you can turn to? A teacher once saved me from the brink. He wasn't even my teacher for any classes, just one walking down the hall who happened to come across me alone and crying in the library after school. Sometimes you find help in unexpected places. A doctor? Do you have a therapist?

Loneliness is a terrible thing. Don't give up, time changes things. I know it's hard but you can make it through.