Quote:
Originally Posted by bpdtransformation
Darkfairy,
Did you say it mainly happens when you are with someone or talking to someone? Do you notice if it is when you've been talking to them for a while, or does it happen randomly when with somebody, right away? And can it also happen when you are in a public place alone?
It seems like there is probably a link between the stress - perhaps the fear of being close to someone else and them getting more of a chance to know you and talk to you personally - and the onset of these fugue/dissociative/depersonalization symptoms. Perhaps your mind feels unconsciously threatened by talking to other people, and it is trying to protect you because it fears that you some traumatic experience from the past may reoccur in the present, even if that fear is not realistic.
These symptoms are described in a book I read by Lawrence Hedges, Working the Organizing Experience. He relates these symptoms' appearance to the earliest periods of preverbal memory, in which neglectful or traumatic experience is internalized, and then reexperienced with various strange defensive symptoms, like you describe, in later life.
Sorry if this is too personal - may I also ask what your experience has been in therapy so far, is it generally useful? It sounds like you have at least some doubts about it.
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Thank you for your response. Yes it mostly seems to happen when I am talking to people, like for example my doctor, my therapist, the lady at the checkout counter etc. Sometimes it happens when we talk awhile, other times it happens right away.
I have seen my therapist for almost 5-6 months now. So far it has been up and down with her, sometimes I like her other times I do not, and I don't think she understands me very well. She doesn't seem to get things right away, for instance the first time we talked about bpd she was automatically turned off by the idea and said If I had it I would be more manipulative and dramatic, then a week later she talked to her supervisor and looked over a book about it and said that I fit enough criteria to be diagnosed. So at times I get confused, like does she even know what she is talking about? How does she not know about these things right away? I feel like she has an idea of what someone is and if you don't fit exactly that then you don't have that.
It has been frustrating and I almost quit a couple of times but I kept going. She does give me some useful ideas but for a lot of it I do not feel it has been as much help as I expected it to be. I am hoping now that I finally got the official diagnosis that it will be more effective and helpful.