its been so difficult for me really because i've been trying to change my entire life and trying to do it so fast that my head is spinning...

i used to drink everyday, smoke a ton of MJ, and occassionaly recreational use of pills but not to the extent of abuse / addiction

my reality was ... altered? and now im trying to function in a sober reality, which i have been away from since i was 13 years old

im experiencing depersonalization i think, as well as increased depression (probably from the reduction in use of other substances) i am anxious all the time and all the time worried / concerned about the next appointment

i don't even like stepping outside the door anymore, so i guess agoraphobia has put a strong hand on me - since i stopped drinking that is...

i know im not alone even though it feels that way; but feel terrible about feeling so depressed all the time because i know other people have it worse than i...

i suppose a great deal of fear is coming from having to face this "un-altered" reality and the anxiety is about making the appointments and showing up at them, afraid that the medicines are going to make me worse since i've started feeling worse since the begining of my attempts at professional treatment

my life just feels upside down, although for over half my life - my perspective of reality was turned upside down so im only starting to recognize things like... im 24 years old and don't have anything to really show for it - besides my experience.. time is slipping away and it feels like years pass in hours... just yesterday i was 17, or so it feels

maybe the relationship with my ex messed me up more than i thought it did.. torture to a perfectionist

i feel like i can't do this