I can relate so well to your situation. I worked in a job for 8 years that I largely hated. It was mentally stressful and physically demanding as well. But the worst was bad management creating a very difficult work environment. I wanted to quit so badly but I just suffered through it, unable to make a change. Then I hurt my back, and after a few months of recuperating but still not being anywhere near 100%, the company terminated me. I felt a lot of relief initially but now, as "Tilly may" mentioned, it has been terribly hard to get back to work. My avoidance behavior has only increased. Making it harder is that I had some savings and ended up getting a workers comp settlement so I have a nest egg to fall back on. It is a great chance for me to finally go back to school and start a new career, and I certainly don't want to deplete my savings, but I remain stuck with fear and indecision. And I've become more and more isolated. So I definitely can attest to the fact that your anxiety will only increase the longer you are away. Not sure how to overcome it. I've tried therapy and recently anti depressants to little benefit. I've been going to a new T and she uses rational emotive behavior therapy REBT. She described her overall approach as eclectic. I hope something will get me on track because I haven't been living for many months now (well, really all my life due to ACoA issues). I've just been existing with varying levels of fear and self sabotage.

Any way, I can answer your question as to why this brings you so much misery. You are putting yourself in what is called a double bind, that is, a situation of being presented 2 choices where neither alternative is tolerable. Abusers often use this tactic, intentionally or not, to keep control over their victim. Why? Because it is so effective at keeping the victim from escaping the abuse. They feel paralyzed. But in this case, you are the person inflicting this no win situation on yourself. And you too feel paralyzed because going to work brings immediate anxiety but avoiding it brings anxiety for multiple reasons. Each sucks and is intolerable. Of course, my trouble over getting back in the job market is a great example. I think some people, particularly those who grew up with abuse of some sort, find it extremely difficult to overcome these dilemmas. The abuse might not be obvious. For instance, it might stem from parents being overbearing or pitting siblings against one another creating a competitive environment where the only way to find love or attention was to win at all costs. But they could never be good enough. In my case, my angry, alcoholic father would tell me to shut up one day and then scold me for not speaking up the next. It is no wonder I have anxiety when dealing with authority figures (boss's) or situations where I am judged (a hiring process). So I know the answer to my avoidance behavior lies in my childhood. The defense mechanisms we have (avoidance, addiction, pd's etc...) are always just the symptoms of a larger issue at the core. And some level of anxiety is always present.