I talked to you about feeling like you're annoyed or frustrated today, and you insist I'm a "joy" to work with. But that's confusing for me (like every positive thing you say to me is) because you hear about and see the worst of me. There's no way you should find that a "joyful" task. How can you see me in that way, after seeing all the yuck inside? After hearing about how afraid I am all the time? After hearing about the abuse and the lingering effects? After hearing my mistrust of you and of everyone else who is kind to me? After seeing the depression and the anxiety and the panic and the constant avoidance of difficult things? How can any of that be a joy? It doesn't make sense to me. I'm sorry. I know you want me to accept the things you say about me. But I just can't, not about this.