Your mother has perfected guilt tripping to an art form. Regardless of the sympathy you may have for her, her behavior is inappropriate, shame-inducing, and dysfunctional. You are not responsible for her mental health--or lack thereof. Kids don't just leave home if all is well--the need for security is too high.

I know you think you love her, but that's not what I hear. I don't think you have any idea what real parental love feels like. It's not uncommon for abused kids to mistake abuse, control and desperation for love. And to misplace their trust out of the need for love.

I was often abused "in the name of love." I had no idea what emotions really looked like. They were all mixed up. I started to put the pieces together by watching TV and reading fiction. And much, much later by experiencing parental love from my T.

You can keep sympathy for her and also keep your distance. In fact, it will be easier to think kindly towards her the more you disengage from her. But right now, you are enmeshed in a very dysfunctional way. Neither of you can recover while enmeshed. And the hard truth is that she may or may not choose to recover. You can only control your own recovery. Everything else is just a distraction.