I don't believe there is anything unethical about what you mentioned in your post. It's just not how your therapist practice. And different is okay. It sounds like you have a good therapist. I like her idea of writing on your hand her presumed response and holding it near your heart. It worked for you, wonderful. Keep at it, and eventually, it will last a long, long time. When my therapist hugged me, it lasted for minutes, then hours...then I could recall it whenever I needed it. I do it for myself now. Kudos for your honesty and bravery about transference! That's a big step.